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" No, you should not throw me out, but you should be angry, hurt, anything but totally okay with it." I was angry when I found out about the affair four months ago. I am not all that angry anymore. I was hurt when I heard the recordings of your telephone conversations with Vinay in which you referred to me as a wimp, a cuckold, tiny-dick sissy, an arrogant bastard, a grave mistake and inept lover. I got over that too. I got second opinion and then third and then fourth and so on and each woman. I pulled your chair out and seated you at the table. Standing beside you I poured you a glass of wine and kissed you softly on the side of your head as I handed it to you. The flames of the candles danced in your eyes as you ate. Occasionally our finger tips touched, we talked, we smiled, we laughed. After the main course you asked, ''And what is for dessert?'' Smiling, I responded, ''You, my lover.'' Pulling the chair back and taking you by the hand I led you to the bed. We kissed as we. The kitchen had no back door – it was open to the elements and the weed garden outside. His room was in the attic. The roof sloped down and I banged my head FREQUENTLY as I rode him on his bed during our many get-togethers. The overflowing ashtray was perched on a pile of David Eddings books, and heavy rock music perpetually rang out of his stereo. There was no sheet on the mattress, as usual.I ventured up the staircase and met him in the kitchen. We chatted about the evening before. He made. I have one rule. You have to tell me about it every time something happens. Every detail. That way nothing happens that we don't share together. No secrets because we will live it all together...Step by step. Look at me Ash. I'm as hard as a rock. Doesn't that tell ya how damn intense this is for me just considering what you are going to experience? Ash, has he kissed you yet? Let him. I know you'll enjoy it." Maybe she had. I'm not certain but that is when I really knew what she was thinking..
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